Who Are We Beyond What We Show?

We are made of many layers, parts and outer layers.

Often, we are not even aware of our complexity, which can be fascinating. We have so many different parts that show up in different environments, with different people and in different contexts.

The way we relate to ourselves, to others and to the world. The way we look at life. The way we think, feel and respond.

And even this can change throughout our lives, shaped by the different stages and experiences we go through.

So, what if we looked at ourselves as though we were made up of different layers?

The first, the most visible one, I would say, is what manifests itself in our daily lives.

Our strategies.

Strategies that, in reality, were ways we learned to exist in the world, to protect ourselves and to try to respond to fundamental needs, such as connection and safety.

From the moment we are born, we are biologically prepared to form bonds with our attachment figures, with those who care for us. We are completely dependent and, little by little, we develop our capacity for autonomy.

But this whole process is deeply connected to our relationship with those who welcome us and care for us during the first years of our lives.

We learn how to walk through life.

We develop strategies to survive, even if that sometimes means dismissing or minimising what is happening inside us.

We often absorb beliefs and develop ways of protecting ourselves, trying to ensure that we continue to belong to our environment and maintain the relationships we depend on.

Inevitably, there are inner experiences that were left without being met, needs that did not find a response, or parts of ourselves that did not have the space to express themselves.

Not necessarily because someone deliberately did something to harm us — although that can also happen — but because, at that moment, it was not possible to do things differently.

And we had to adapt.

Over time, all these mechanisms can become stored somewhere outside our conscious awareness. They become intertwined with what we believe ourselves to be and become part of the way we inhabit the world.

So…

What if, despite all of this, we could recognise within ourselves a “self” that is available to observe?

A “self” capable of looking with some distance, but also with kindness, love and compassion.

An observing, curious “self” that allows us to recognise different possibilities of being, existing and living.

It is not an easy or immediate journey. But with consistency and, above all, with dedication to ourselves, we can begin to walk it.

Perhaps truly getting to know ourselves is not about changing who we are, but about creating space to discover other ways of being.

A warm hug 🫂

Daniela